Sunday, December 1, 2013

"Can't Wanna" Normal Thanksgiving

You can always count on the holidays to provide you with plenty of back-to-blogging material.  Especially when you have a three year old running around.  (THREE! Where has the time gone??)

For some reason I thought that Thanksgiving this year was going to be much like the Norman Rockwell paintings.  Quaint, serene, food perfectly done, people perfectly behaved, children obeying every single thing we say.  As soon as we finished with our holiday feast, our housekeeper would come in and quickly sweep away any crumbs and clean the dishes for us while we all curled up and read a Christmas story together.

As soon as my Xanax wore off, I descended back into reality and it went a little like this:

1.  Quaint and serene?  NO.  From the moment we arrived to the moment we left that house was LOUD.  People in and out the entire weekend.  Children were screaming, crashing into the couch, adults were eating, drinking wine, trying out all sorts of coffee and dessert samplings, all bringing on coffee/sugar highs and upset stomachs.  (OK so maybe this was just me.)
2.  We had two friends come over for a visit one night and Zoey was up late that night.  She was getting extremely tired so she was being her usual comedic self.  She looked at me in front of our pals, and said "Mama you have big boobies! (while grabbing my boobs) HONK HONK!"  Yes I have boobies, Zoey - big they are not.  Thank you for embarrassing me.
3.  Thanksgiving Day - picture it - Jonesport 2013.  My sister is SO excited to give both Zoey and her big cousin Delaney these ADORABLE turkey panties she found.  Zoey "couldn't wanna" put them on so we put them on her head. (They were straight out of the laundry)  She smiled, made of them a bit, then proceeded to take them off and sniff them as hard as she could.

Thanksgiving comes but once a year, and as you can see - you NEVER know what you're going to get.  Here is the thing - it would not have been normal had it been Norman Rockwell at Mom's house.  People were there from the day we arrived to the day we left.  We had WONDERFUL conversation, so many laughs, not one quarrel, food was amazing.  I would not have it any other way.  The loudness and laughter meant that everyone was there, happy and healthy.  It was our Thanksgiving and for us, it was perfect.  Thank you family for a wonderful time and thank you for having us.

I apologize for the panty-sniffing, boobie grabbing mischief-maker I brought along.

Monday, August 19, 2013

For Granted

As you can see, it has been a LONG time since I have written.  This summer has absolutely flown!  We've had our share of fun, we've had our share of rain, but overall the summer has been good to us.  Obviously busy, or I would've sat down and written long before now.

For our anniversary, my husband bought me a Kindle Paperwhite.  I have been DEVOURING books since. The one I have "suggests" books to you based on what you've downloaded into your Kindle.  A lot of suggestions came from a book I read earlier in the year about the Holocaust.  One suggestion that I am currently reading right now is Rena's Promise - Two Sisters in Auschwitz.  Usually I can read a book in a night (I know, it's ridiculous), but this one I have to keep turning off and reading more later.  It is THAT unnerving.  It's an account of Rena and Danka, two sisters who were separated while trying to escape the Nazis but then ending up together at Auschwitz.  From the birth of Danka, Rena always promised her mother that she would protect Danka.  Now that is her life, protecting her weaker sister while trying to survive the attacks, the beatings and work.  They are at Auschwitz for 3 1/2 years - Rena obviously survives, we do not know about Danka yet.  The things that they cherish the most besides each other, scraps of food, water, newspaper for when they are having their periods, the very very basic necessities.  I cannot say that these are what they need in order to survive because all around them, women are dying from malnourishment, dehydration, disease.  This is what they have though, can you imagine it?

The part where I had to stop last night nearly made me throw up.  Rena and Danka were standing in line for roll-call.  Along comes trucks filled with little children, some no older than Zoey, some younger, some older.  They were clinging to their stuffed animals, curious as to where they were going. The only place these precious little children were heading was to the gas chamber.  Some followed their "leaders" willingly, some were excited, some of course were old enough to be very scared.  A few things ran through my mind at this time.  First - how must you feel as a parent, having your children ripped from your hands?  How must that line formation felt, knowing there was NOTHING they could do to save those hundreds of children?  All I could picture was myself, in that line, watching my own child head to her untimely death.  I know, it's an extremely morbid thought, but that is what I was thinking at the time.  That's why I had to put it down.  I went into Zoey's bedroom, kneeled down on the floor and just kissed and hugged her over and over, and I wept.  Almost sensing my sadness, she stirred a bit, said "I love you Mama," and then rolled back over and fell back asleep.  I could not sleep after that.  I must have checked in on her 10 times last night.

Alongside of that, I think about Rena and Danka and their struggles to survive, all the while clinging to the only person they have left - their sister.  I think about MY sister and how we would surely do the same.  It makes my heart ache for her, and I just want to drive the 5 hours to go see her, hug her, kiss her, and not let her go.  I cannot IMAGINE living through this kind of hell that millions and millions experienced.  I'm not finished with the book yet, I do not know what happens to Rena's promise, if she's able to get her sister through the three years or not, everything aludes to no so far, but I am holding out hope.

As much as I want to delete this book from my library right now and not look back, I can't.  I've never felt such emotion from a book in my life.  I have taken so much for granted, especially my family.  I take my pantry for granted, I take my tampons for granted, I take my medicine for granted.  Every last bit of it, I take for granted.  I can say that I give thanks every day for the people in my life, but still - I take for granted the fact that I will see them all, happy and healthy tomorrow.  I can bet with 99.99999% certainty that this world will never again face something like this in our lifetime.  However, we just never know.  We don't.  I can also bet with 99.99999% certainty that the people of that time didn't think they'd ever face something like that either.

I know once I've finished and as time fades the pain I'm feeling for these people, I imagine these raw emotions will subside some.  I can guarantee that I won't think about their pains and struggles every time I sit down to eat a hot meal or enjoy a hot cup of tea, I know that I will end up taking that for granted again, but I will try my hardest not to.  I can guarantee one thing though, I will continue to be thankful every day for the family and friends that are here with me, there is NOTHING more precious than them.  Nothing.  It makes all of those much needed "things" that I think I need seem absolutely pointless.  What we NEED is each other. That's it.  Love your people, love people you don't know - just love.

I love you all.


Thursday, May 23, 2013

5Krazy

Ever since Zoey was born, I have not taken any time out for myself.  None.  I have worked overtime, I have busted my butt here at the house, I have done everything except for take care of this big ole body of mine.

Oh there were moments when I figured I would give exercise/eating right a try, but two weeks later (almost to the day) I would go back to the same old pattern, the same old way of life.  I made every excuse in under the sun to validate my reasons for not eating like I should and not getting off the couch.

Through MANY long talks with "my person," I believe I finally have it.  I now know that Kate Carbohydrate Lover is not my real name.  I also know that it is NOT HARD to schedule 30-45 minutes for nothing but straight up exercise, busting your buns time.  I am officially addicted.  At the end of next week, I will be a month in to Insanity, the workout videos you see all over the tv.  Trust me, they work.  You are going to HATE them and Shaun T in the middle of the workout but at the end when you have taken your body to it's physical limits, you are going to LOVE the feeling from doing that.

NOW, mind you - I have signed up for a 5K.  I swore I would never ever run.  Unless someone was chasing me, and then I would decide if it was worth it or not.  I know right now that I am NOT going to be able to run the entire thing.  I probably won't get through a mile at first!  But my only goal in this race is to start running, and go over that finish line running.  I already plan to sign up for another, and another and another until one day, I finish that 5K in it's entirety running.

This means SO much more to me than just a Saturday run.  This means that I am FINALLY getting it.  I am FINALLY getting the idea that I'm worth it.  It sounds so cliche, but I swear to you all, I felt I wasn't.  For whatever reasons, small or deep, I didn't feel like taking out time for me was worth it.  It is.  I am awake, alive, and absolutely loving the new me. Physically and mentally.  I know I have a long way to go too, I'm not looking through rose-colored glasses.  There will be days that will be worse than others, we're human.  That's okay.

A 5K....now that is just crazy. :)

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Updates and Boob Reading

It's been a VERY long time since I have written - this is long for me.  I have had so many good stories come and go, but February was a winter whirlwind.

Zoey had a bout of obstructive sleep apnea - that has now been cured through adenoid and tonsil removal.  Thank GOODNESS my Momma could come down with me and stay the week - child went from kissing the tires on the SUV and hugging the paper towel holder to MONSTER.  I have the bruises to prove it.  Honestly.  All we can think of is that she is not going to handle anesthesia well at all.  Now we know.  And knowing is half of the 40-lbs-of fighter-kicking-and-punching-you-battle.  She will be joining MMA this May.  One of the other changes - her voice!  Since then it has gone up a few octaves I swear - it is PRECIOUS.  It's so much funnier hearing Mama I don't like to poop on the big potty now.  Before it sounded like Darth Vader telling me he didn't want to go.

Through it all, she's developing into quite the little lady.  She loves her "pwiwacy" (Privacy) down in her bedroom.  Her favorite thing to do down there?  Read.  She absolutely adores books - she is a girl after her entire family's heart.  This morning we were finished getting ready particularly early since she woke up at  4:45, so she asked to go to her bedroom for some pwiwacy.  I let her go down there, and automatically heard her grab a book, climb into the rocking chair and start reading aloud.  It was so sweet.  I had to take a peek to see what she was doing, how she was curled up in the chair, what she was reading, etc.  Once again the scene is just so calming, so serene.  This morning the book of choice is....

Breastfeeding the Natural Way.

Guess I forgot to take that one out of there.  Maybe it'll do her a lot more good than it did for me.  There was NOTHING natural about these milk duds and all of the things I tried to do to get them to stop producing powdered milk.

Apparently it is quite intriguing because she's still down there reading away.  It's been a half hour.  What I take away from this is 1. My child is a nut.  and 2.  Read, read read!  It doesn't matter what (obviously), just READ.

Until the next time she cracks me up.  Which will be tonight. :)

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Bring Me Your Gross

I got thinking today about the grossest things I have done as a parent so far, things I SWORE I would never do.  You know when you realize you're pregnant?  Well after you wake up from fainting, the first thing you want to do is seek out information.  My sister and mother bought me What to Expect books the minute they found out.  I read them from front to back.  They were SO good, so informative, yet in some ways, SO gross.  There were things in here that I was all "HA!  I would NEVER do that!  Oh my land, what were they thinking?  I will so have it together better than this."  Mhm.  Riiiight.  I want to know the grossest things you've done so far as a parent, Moms and Dads alike.  Post it here, post it on Facebook, I don't care just bare it.  I want to see who has done things they swore they never would.  BE BRAVE!!!!  Here's three of mine:
  • I've officially gone a full week without a shower. (My doctor told me this would happen and I looked right at her and said in my snooty-not-yet-a-mother-way "Oh no, you see I have to shave my legs EVERY day.  If I don't do that, I will die."  Ohhh, young-not-yet-a-mother.  You've no idea.
  • I've wanted my daughter suffering from a cold to blow her nose so badly that I told her to blow into my hand.  My bare hand.  Without napkins.  The funniest part?  This happened last week.  
  • Because I just love catching foreign objects in my hand - one day my little girl (only about a month old) started to grunt and groan.  I knew a poop was coming and she happened to be on the changing table bare-assed.  I didn't have time to grab a diaper.....soooooo that good old hand came in handy again.  Caught it like a baseball.  Any parent knows that the first months of poo is not solid.  Not at all.  Squishy squish right between the fingers. 
Anyone for chocolate?

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

This is OUR Perfect

Part of my nighttime "thing" every night is to go one last time into my Meem's bedroom, tuck her back in, then blow her a kiss.  I've done it since she was an infant, and chances are I will do it until she moves out of the house.

Tonight - there was just an aura in that room.  There truly was.  I nudged the door open, snuck in as quiet as can be, and there she was - sleeping on her back so peacefully.  I gathered her sheet and blanket, tucked it in around her and blew her a kiss.  Tonight though was different.  I usually take care not to interrupt her sleep, I don't want to wake her and have her bouncing off the walls after having a good hour and half of sleep into her.  I couldn't help myself, she was the picture of perfection.  So I reached down and rubbed her head.  Aha!  She didn't move.  I wanted to cry, just being overwhelmed with love for my daughter.  That moment was PERFECT.  Until.....

RRRRRRRRRRRRIP!  Not once but 5 times.  Didn't move the entire time, snoring never stopped.  I had to leave quickly for fear of laughing too loud.  Just as I shut the door, one more little rip for safe measure.  Child can toot!

As quickly as this happened - I took something from this moment.  That nothing is ever "perfect," but if it is your moment, your memory, something you will never forget - then it is perfect for you.  I couldn't have asked for a better ending to that moment.  I know, that's a weird ending, but for me - it isn't.  She is funny when she's not even trying to be.  She's fast becoming my little comedian who can make me laugh at the drop of a hat.

And this is just the beginning...rips and all.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Life's little "Happys"

It's such a quiet evening here - the other half is at a hockey game, and Miss Meem is fast asleep.  I'm enjoying the quietness of the house, and just thinking about the day.  There was a point and time that we found a ball to play with, the three of us.  It was by far THEE most fun I have had in a very long time.  We tossed, kicked, fell on, rolled on, threw, crammed that ball every which way and laughed the entire time. We knocked over a lamp - who cares.  We tripped over it and fell down - no biggie.  It was sheer joy,  glorious shrieks, and hard concentration learning how to kick and throw.

In thinking about that tonight, I think about all of the people out there that just do not know how to appreciate the small things in life.  There are plenty out there - always wanting more.  Believe me, I am NO stranger to WalMart and Target.  I have my very own parking spot.  Well not yet but it's coming, I swear.  However, I am truly thankful that I DO know how to appreciate the smaller things.  Things like:

  • The ticking of a clock.
  • Books.
  • A hot cup of Earl Grey.
  • A hot cup of Earl Grey with your Mama or Grandma.
  • Counting stars.
  • Hot sun shining down on your back.
  • Steady rain on the roof.
  • A nice glass of merlot. (some of you may say that my wine glasses are not one of the smaller things in life.  You are probably right.)
  • Belly-aching laughter.  Laughter so hard that you can't stop crying. 
  • Watching a puppy run and play and then fall to the floor sound asleep.
  • Mud in between your toes.  
  • Finding out that the cloud passing by looks exactly like a giraffe.
  • Listening to a child sing.
  • Listening to a child laugh.
  • Listening to a child babble.
  • Listening to a child snore.
  • Crying.  It may not seem like anything to appreciate at the time, but it truly cleanses you.
  • The first day of your legs being shaved.  Weird, but come on - you know you love it too.
  • Weeding.
  • The smell of fresh cut grass.  
  • Dancing.
  • Singing to the top of your lungs and not caring who hears it.  
And my #1 "Happy" of all time:
  • Out of NOWHERE, having your child come up to you, give you a hug and say "I love you."  
For those of you that have yet to experience that with your own babies, or for those of you trying to have babies, trust me - when you hear this, nothing else will matter.  The house will be falling down around you, the meal will be burnt, the coffee stone cold, and it will not matter.  

So tell me - what are your "Happys?"  Add them to this list.  I would LOVE to hear them.  I leave you with this final thought - please please please take time to remember them.  Live them.  Put down the phones, the computers (I know - pot kettle black as I am typing on one), the TV remotes, the Wiis and live.    If you are one of the unfortunate ones that doesn't know how to appreciate "small," smarten up.  Get with the program and figure it out.  You'll be happy you did.