Tuesday, December 18, 2012

I'm angry

I'm angry this morning.  I've been angry all week.  It's a feeling that I cannot shake and I cannot get it out of my head.  

I'm sure there are 15000 blog posts about last Friday, I've seen quite a few.  I imagine people are just trying to get these thoughts out of their heads, trying to make sense of all that happened.  I was so very very sad.  That has turned now to anger.  

Maybe it's because everywhere I turn, there is coverage about the killer.  Maybe it's because even though the coverage is about the killer, the media and some folks I know are blaming the mother, blaming guns and gun owners, blaming God, blaming everything and everyone BUT the killer.  God didn't tell that sick sick filth to shoot them, neither did the gun.  Neither did his mother.  Neither did ANYONE except for himself.  Maybe it's because every single time I close my eyes, all I can picture are those childrens' faces when that man walked into their classroom.  What the HELL they must have been thinking just makes me want to lose my mind.  Maybe it's because my family and good neighbors dealt with a very very mentally ill woman (I am being kind) for almost a year and some of the things described in the killer sound exactly like her.  Maybe it's because these are all known issues in her and she's roaming free.  Maybe it's because these were all known issues in him and he was roaming free.  Crime or no crime, if you threaten the life of a child, you're finished.  Done.  You're no longer needed on this Earth as far as I'm concerned.  

Maybe it's because it's just too much to bear, too much to hear about.  No matter our opinions and we all have very many on the situation, we can all agree that this is just too much to bear.  Too much to hear about. This has to be one of the worst things I have watched play out in my life.  

If you've gotten to the end of this and are still with me, before you leave your home today, hug your family, each and every one of them.  If you have children, hug them a little tighter.  When I say "Treat everyone as if you'll never see them again."  I never even THINK about children leaving us when I say it - but it's the truth, we can all go to work today, and when we get home, our babies could be gone.  It's not anything any of us want to think about, but we have to.

Hug your husbands today.  Hug your wives today.  Hug your partners today.  Hug your friends today.  Hug your CHILDREN today.  Just a little harder.  

Wednesday, December 12, 2012


My little Bambino has started to develop quite a personality over the past few months.  There have been days that she wakes up and is in the most perfect mood and then there are days that Little Miss Hyde has appeared on the scene.  The really bad times are coming in the morning when she first wakes up.  er attMy husband has a theory that because I’ve been doing trying to do a little extra work at home, she is acting out more because she misses me. 

While I would love to believe that she misses me enough to be a rip-roaring terror upon sight of me in the morning, I just feel that she’s hitting the terrible twos.  So we decided to give his theory a try last night.  I didn’t do anything work related until she went to bed. 

We had the BEST time last night.  She was perfect.  We played and read and sang and danced and around bedtime settled into the chair for a goodnight show on the tv.  It was magical.  I rocked her for a while and put her in bed to go to sleep.  She gave me a big kiss, of course I melted.  This morning she woke up just a little while after I did.  I went in, said “Good morning!” and I held my breath.  For nothing.  Things seemed a LOT better.  The only time she gave me heck was at the breakfast table.  She didn’t want to sit and eat.  So I started making a game out of it, I said “Come on, baby girl you can do it!  Have a bite for Dada, for Mama, for Mema, for Grampie, for Bubba, have a bite for EVERYONE!!”  At the top of her lungs she shouts “Aaaaaaaaaamen!!!!” 

I did everything I could not to lose it right there.  This was one of the funniest things I think I have ever heard her say.  I’ve been chuckling about it off and on throughout the day.  What a wonderful morning I had with her. 

I’m not looking at this motherhood thing through rose colored glasses, I know we’re going to have many many bumps along the way.  But maybe just maybe this was a little cry out for Mama.  Maybe Dad’s theory wasn’t too far off.  Maybe it was just a way of saying, “Slow down, Mama – I need you, I just don’t how to say that yet.”  Either way...it worked.  I’m slowing down and spending more time with my family. 

To that - I quote my daughter – Aaaaaaaamen!

Monday, December 10, 2012

Hiatus no more

I took a 1 year hiatus from this.  I don't know where to begin.  I had to take a hiatus from many things.  Life was and still is quite busy at the moment but I have had many a good thought that I never wrote down.  And at this moment in time, I am drawing a blank.  So here goes:
  • Bambino is now 2.  TWO!
  • I am now 34.  THIRTY FOUR!
  • This past year has had many gains and many losses.  None of which is in the weight department, mind you.
  • Work is busy.
  • Marriage is good.  Right, husband?  RIGHT HUSBAND?
  • Husband is obedient. ;)

So from this little update, it looks like not much has gone on.  It couldn't be farther from the truth.  This past year has been anything but relaxing.  I don't want to go back and tell you about all the little details, they're probably more boring at this point than funny or interesting.  Starting over with a clean keyboard.  Minus the grime in it.  

I had to cancel this blog around this time last year - so I currently don't have my former followers - I didn't delete you because you didn't comment enough or said something I didn't like - I just had to go away from the internet for a little while.  NO I didn't lie, cheat, steal or kill.  So if you're interested in seeing life from my point of you (I promise you - it gets weird in my brain) join me for the crazy ride.

More to come.